It is often said that children now have no values, that they respect nothing and no one and that parents would have to educate them in values. Obviously it is a generalization and also a little lack of memory because many in our childhood we also made them fat.
However, I do agree that many children would do well if their parents tried to transmit values to them so that they were more respectful in general, more responsible, more supportive, more honest and more empathetic (to name some of the characteristics we value most in people). That's why we will explain today what is educating in values and the most important, how is it done.
What is educating in values?
Educating in values is nothing more than a beautiful way of saying that children have to give them an education. Perhaps you expected me to say that it is a novel education method that creates wonderful children and if so I feel disappointment, but it is just that, a fine or politically correct way of saying that the child must be educated if we want to Be a socially competent person.
To educate him does not mean to take him to a place where he is provided with education, that is, to school, but to be the parents who teach him what life is, what people expect of us, what we can expect from people and what what can happen if we do what we would not like to be done to us.
The school should be the place where children go to learn and not the place where in addition to learning things they have to learn to behave. That being the case, now it is, they spend a lot of time educating our children, doing our "work", and that is a time that they could be using in much more constructive and enriching things.
Perhaps for this reason it is about telling parents that we have to educate them, that it is not worth saying that "as my parents were very authoritarian, I give my son all the freedom in the world", because it is one thing to give freedom and that the child use it to grow and explore new paths and possibilities and a very different one is for the child to use it to disturb and act in an unpleasant way for both his family and others. In the second case, probably, the child is saying in a masked way, that what we believe to be freedom is rather permissiveness (or almost passotism) and that every child is doing well a father who exercises as such, being with him, if necessary, to set an example and say that "this could be done better in another way". Or what is the same, children sometimes cry out to educate them and in society they also ask, but also in a masked way, because to say that we must educate in values is less aggressive than to simply say that we must educate them.
How to educate in values
After saying that educating in values is nothing more than offering an education to the children, it is clear that what I will say next is nothing more than a summary of what we can do so that they receive that education that as parents we must offer them. All is very obvious and very logical, but perhaps precisely because they are "drawer" things, many parents forget them, or do not put them into practice.
The first thing to keep in mind is that children are, in a way, the reflection of who we are. It says a wise phrase that "educating is everything we do when we are not educating", which comes to say that children learn much more from what they see we do than from what we tell them they have to do.
Only by living with us, just by being with us while we interact with other people, while solving problems, while arguing, while acting responsibly, etc., they assimilate what is our sense of responsibility, which are our values and, something very important, how consistent we are with what we preach or how far we go when defending our beliefs (something like demonstrating that our actions are consistent with our words).
The second thing that can help educate (in values) a child is to be clear that we cannot demand that you agree with everything we say. Our mission is not to fill them with opinions and content as if they were a blank book and expect them to internalize and act on it, our goal has to be simply help them think, explain things in a sincere and clear way, so that they understand our motivations and the reasons that cause us to act in a certain way so that they understand what is behind each act. It is more important that they understand why we respect others and why we try to be good people who do not know, simply, what are the acts that are right or wrong.
For this it is advisable to talk, talk a lot with them. Ask them, talk about our way of being and acting, want to know their opinions and seek their arguments for and against what we do. If children see that our actions are consistent, if they see that we are consistent with our words, if they see that we are respectful, sincere and honest, and if they understand why we do it, it is very likely that they end up acting the same way.
If instead they see that our words are carried by the wind, we ask others to do what we tell them, but not what we do, if we lie, if we put on the jacket that suits us according to the moment, not being consistent with the jacket that we chose a good day to wear forever, they will notice and we will lose authority as parents and educators. Perhaps they even reproach us for our way of doing things and they distance themselves further. In this sense I will always remember when my father, a summer in which he hurt himself just down a step, came to tell some acquaintances that he had done it playing basketball ... that day I felt sorry for him and I felt disappointed, because it was the the first time I saw him lie, or rather, the first time he hunted him lying, more when we always told him he had to play sports and he never listened to us.
And the third thing we have to keep in mind is that The road is not easy, that we are not perfect and that our children will not be perfect either. Sometimes we will do better and sometimes worse. The important thing and what helps to grow (children and ourselves) is to be able to highlight our lack to improve. We can honestly explain that we have made a mistake in something, we can ask for forgiveness, we can set the goal to do better next time and we can explain it to you because it is a good way for them to see that they will also be wrong many times and that, if they propose it, they can Also try to do better.
All this will help us convey our beliefs, our values and our way of seeing the world. They must be free to choose their own values and their own principles, but we have an obligation (we, and not the school or anyone else) to provide the fundamentals, the basis, through our opinions, our choices, our good deeds. and our behavior
