Let's keep talking about some of those important issues that we advise future parents to talk before having a child. In a previous article we proposed to discuss the signing of pre-paternity agreements and pregnancy, now we will focus on childbirth, breastfeeding and childhood sleep.
Childbirth
Childbirth still scary many people: fear of pain, complications, death, not knowing how to act. And that fear can be accentuated by comments from family or friends. It is essential for the couple to be able to talk about those fears and contrast the information truthfully.
I would advise you to read books such as “Give birth without fear” or the “Guide of the conscious woman for a better birth”.
If, in addition, the woman is convinced of wanting some kind of care in childbirth: a birth at home, in the water or in a clinic specializing in natural childbirth it is essential to speak it and that the couple is able to understand and respect that desire, deblocating Your fears through information.
Of course, if I have another child, I know that I would like, whenever my gynecologist recommended it, to give birth at home. And if it were not advisable because of my age or circumstances, I would do it in a hospital that would ensure me a respectful treatment and a natural birth.
A few days ago I had a nightmare. I was chased by the gynecology director of a certain hospital in Madrid with a syringe and a knife. Having passed the delivery I went through and knowing what I know, I do not leave myself to a gynecologist or midwife in whom I do not have absolute and total confidence. And of those, in Spain, I think there are very few for me right now.
That of the choice of a professional that I know, who I trust and whom I have a strong connection and the assessment of a home birth would not be negotiable with my partner and should accept it and support me 100% because it is something of enormous importance
Breastfeeding
Today the vast majority of mothers want to breastfeed their children. However, the initial desire to give Breastfeeding It must also be discussed in the couple and also know the reasons why breastfeeding is prematurely abandoned.
On the one hand, there are women who fear that they cannot breastfeed, either because of erroneous information they have received and that the conditions, or because of a bad previous experience. In addition, although it is a minority, there are also women who are very clear that they will not breastfeed their children and their decision is respectable.
For both and for all in general, obtaining up-to-date training and adequate professional support that guides them is important, since there really is no free decision without reliable information. I would advise you to read the book "A gift for a lifetime" and attend meetings of a local breastfeeding group, in addition to reading the issues of breastfeeding babies and more.
And since the father also plays a fundamental role in breastfeeding, information should not only be directed to them or wait for them to transmit it to their partners. Being a parent also means knowing the breastfeeding process to be able to give the woman the support she may need.
Let us not forget, however, the pressures that a breastfeeding mother can receive from an unprepared environment that can convey her wrong fears, myths and ideas. Nor is that false idea that the father will be more attached to the son or will participate more in the upbringing if he gives the bottle.
Talk and learn together about Breastfeeding avoid tensions and subsequent worries and, on the issue of breastfeeding, it would not hurt to talk about the desired duration of breastfeeding, although that, especially, is something that will be discovered over time.
Where is the baby going to sleep?
The next issue that I encourage parents to ask is children's dream. Recognizing it as an evolutionary process, having neither great fears nor false perspectives and above all, understanding that the baby needs physical contact also at night, will help them to ask the question of how and where to sleep. I would recommend reading "Sleep without tears."
Anyway, during the first six months it is advised that the baby be in the parents room, to be able to be treated and fed at night and, later, if we want to continue breastfeeding, it is, in my opinion, the Best option, besides loving the feeling of sleeping with the child nearby and seeing his smiley face upon waking.
However, although it is good to speak it, I already warn you, when the baby arrives, many ideas fall apart before the desire to be able to attend to him without crying and making him feel protected. Be open to change even if you previously thought of taking it to another room.
With this we finish this brief review by the issues that couples advise to talk before becoming parents, but there are a few more, which we will address later. Do you talk about these things before becoming parents?
