Well, it said yesterday that for babies, mom is everything, and, in addition, if that is coupled with moments of emotional growth and discovery of the self, perhaps the family is faced with a situation like the one in this video of the Dinosaurs series he exemplifies: every time dad appears, the little one rejects him almost violently and only wants to be with mom and could almost yell at him: "You don't mommy".
A sympathetic, loving and close dad will find himself sorry and upset. Also, he can't understand how his precious baby who fell asleep delightedly in his arms now pushes him away when he appears. If the father also feels insecure and has not found his position in the new way his family has, he will have doubts about whether the mother is too hoarder and can even recriminate what happens. Bad solutions these. Do not do the dinosaur.
What happens to your son?
Quiet. Your son loves you and needs you. He has not become a demon. Nor that his mother cradles him, is very attached, sleeps with him or his chest is to blame for what happens. It's a phase, some children wear it gently and others develop a very intense reactions.
You have to leave your space. He is not an adult and still does not understand his own emotions well. Normally the little one, attached to his mother who gave meaning to his existence and from which he did not know a differentiated being, He is discovering two fascinating things: what is "me" and what can he say "no". That is very, very exciting but also very scary.
If Dad starts to claim his place at that moment with insistence, the child will get angry. When a baby is small, his universe is his mother. He doesn't even understand the concept of the self, he lives himself as a unique being. The discovery of the mother's own and separate existence can create tension and anguish and cause her to express her disorder in separations or in hardly understandable tantrums.
There will be times of joyful play in which you include in your world more than delighted, but others, especially if you are tired, taking your tit or bottle after a nap or fitting some new and disturbing emotion, you will need the emotional security that the mother gives you. He will hold on to her very tight, clinging to not fall into the abyss of a new world that opens before him.
What I can do?
If we face this as a stage of our child's emotional development, we can live it with peace of mind and avoid forcing the situation instead of insisting when it occurs. Respecting the child's need to be attached to his mother at that time is the most appropriate, understanding that what happens is not a problem, although it can put us in complicated situations or unleash feelings of helplessness, grief or anger in us.
There are no miracle recipes or methods with parenting, each child is different and, although there are common stages in child development, each temperament and each circumstance is particular. Anyway, there is a recipe that cannot fail, which is love. Having been a very involved father and knowing the child well helps, no doubt.
Being a father is an intense experience, which should change man and make him mature, better understanding the mechanisms of his own psyche, his fears and his insecurities. You have to be very generous to be a good father.
You have to prepare. Recognize our past, not to demand the attention they may not have given us or continue to be the center of the couple's emotional life, but to give our children everything they need to have a safe, happy childhood with all their emotional needs fully covered. And that will sometimes cause us to "bother" and let mother and child build the primary bond gently and with the right to backslides.
Dad is still there, he hasn't stopped loving you, but in those moments of crisis, don't get in the way or insist that he accept you. He needs mom. It is not a conscious decision, it is not rational, it is not to harm you, nor is it the fault of his mother giving him the love that the child needs. It is a process, a stage, in which you may simply have to be prepared to recover, at times, that patient, supportive and supportive attitude that accompanied the postpartum adjustments.
The "you don't mommy" will pass
Again, waiting, being the pillar in which mother and son find the security of their home, but in a secondary and attentive role, you will be the best father and companion in the world and, with patience and looking for the precise moments you will recover Your baby has already become a little boy who knows he is him. Worth. The "you don't mommy" will pass.
