One of my biggest fears before the arrival of my second baby was to think how my "eldest" daughter would feel, who had not yet turned two. And my concern was to know if I would be able to "compensate" for that likely unease at the prospect of not being the only baby in the family. How does love show with two kids at home?
As I said a few days ago, the time has come to "exaggerate" our affection for the eldest son, also because they, the "elders", now need us not as before but more before the arrival of the new brother.
Based on how the events have been happening, on how we have adapted the coexistence with the new family member and ultimately on what I have seen that has worked to make my eldest daughter not feel displaced, I have collected some points They show how to spread the love with two kids at home.
Of course, it's about personal experiences, but I think they can help many parents in the same situation. And, despite everything, I will confess that I do not forget the little face of sorrow the first time my daughter saw me lull the baby. For that sorrow to become tenderness, it didn't take much. Here are some tips for the adaptation process to flow:
- It is not necessary to hide the affection for the newborn before the eldest son. Our fear of harming the elderly may lead us to do this. But the elder must understand that the baby is also part of the family, and that is how he will end up loving him too.
- Before our shows of affection to the little one, the elder will react by imitating the baby ("I am also a little boy and I do pedreretas ...") or calling our attention in another way. It just means that he wants the same for himself.
- That "attracting attention in another way" may include tantrums and tantrums. It is time to "exaggerate" our patience and understanding and make them understand that we will also listen to them if they act otherwise.
- Sometimes we surprise the older son looking at us while we make carantoñas or say compliments to the baby. Can you imagine what will go through your head? It is the best time to make carantoñas and give compliments in turns, one for the baby, one for the elderly. It is fun.
- Nothing happens to "make them believe" that they are smaller than they are, especially if they demand it: play what are babies as your little brother will make everything more natural.
- We must speak naturally of the new component of the home, and express that our love will not change.
- Many times, more than words that still do not fully understand, parents' attitudes, caresses and contact in the form of dance, games, singing ... matter can not be neglected.
- Little by little you can incorporate the baby into a few simple games with the older brother (tickle, palms ...). That way he will stop being a "rival" while seeing that mom or dad keep playing and having fun with him.
- If the elder does not ask for it (with words or gestures), it is not necessary to assign new "big brother" tasks or make him participate in the care of the baby. In fact, I think it is not convenient if it is still small. It needs adaptation time and will gradually define its space. However, it is very common (and it starts there) that curiosity leads him to want to see for example how to bathe the baby and want to take a hand in his own way ...
- Let the older brother use the child's toys, accompanying them in their games as we would with the baby. They will probably soon realize that they prefer to play with other things.
- We do not always have the courage or the strength to "multiply" and "exaggerate," given our pace of life or a thousand problems that may arise throughout the day. But in any case the little ones are not responsible and continue to deserve our love and attention, although in these cases they are less "exaggerated."
- I confess that, although I do not deprive myself of sharing affection with my baby at any time, they increase when the older one is already in bed. In those moments I find the tranquility that the sister will not feel "less" and that I do not have to multiply the attention. Something that by the way I also do in the opposite situation, when I am alone with the oldest.
Of course, these tips for acting with two children at home are also valid for when more than two children get together, because in large families with small children the situation does not change much. Must spread the love with all the children of the family and not neglecting one iota the emotional needs of those who have stopped being the little ones.
