As a pediatric nurse I see many children of different ages every day and when they already have a little active listening ability I always direct them a few words to ask them how they are, what drawings they like best, make a joke and explain the things we are going to be doing
When they barely speak, the parents usually answer for the child, as if giving him a voice, in an act that seems totally natural and normal, to avoid that my questions remain unanswered. But there are times when children are very capable of answering and yet parents are ahead of them: Are you the children's ventriloquist? When they don't speak, but you.
When they are babies ... we have all done it
I the first. People who addressed the baby when he was unable to give an answer. He knows badly that someone asks something and that nobody says anything, so the parents answer what we think the child would say:
- Hello little one! Where are you going?
- Well, to the park for a while, to see if I play with the sand, which I love - says the mother.
It is a matter of respect towards who asks the question, to a certain extent a somewhat funny situation, because there are parents who even speak as a small child, and as I say completely normal given the situation.
When they are older, we could be limiting their socialization
Now if we talk about older children we could be putting limits not only to your verbal ability, but also to your socialization, because in the end the children do not talk to each other, because it is the parents who take the singing voice.
A few days ago I greeted a child of about 6 years when he entered the door and it was the mother who answered me, and when asked how he was, and if I knew what was coming, it was the mother who told me that her son was Very well and I did know what it was. The child He did not at any time intend to speak to me, nor to answer my questions, although I looked directly at him to establish communication.
These types of attitudes can cause the following in the child:
- That the child believes that he should not talk to anyone, be they known or are strangers.
- That the child thinks that his father (or mother) prefers not to answer, perhaps because he considers himself unable to respond adequately.
- Do not worry or listen (in total, my father will answer), or reflect on what is the answer you have to give.
All this makes the child lose autonomy and may also affect their confidence in their ability to speak, dialogue and even negotiate, precisely at the age that most can learn all this. Because if I address a child whose father is the one who takes the singing voice and I ask him a question, I submit him to an election, who will answer? If he is always the father, the child will look at the father waiting for his answer on more than one occasion.
Children have to be able to grow as one more person
Ideally, children should be part of society as one more person, and that they can address anyone to tell them what they think they should say, without being self-conscious, without fear or shame, and without waiting for others to dialogue for them. .
That's why parents we should remain silent if they are asked a question, however much we consider that the answer may not be adequate. Even remain silent if they are asked something and do not answer ... because many times we excuse them saying "is that he is very shy" and then we are justifying a behavior of silence that feeds back: is he shy because he really is or is because his mother Do you always remember it in situations like that? Maybe we should say nothing and just wait for the dialogue to develop, and if it doesn't happen, wait to see what happens.
- Oops, you don't answer me, are you ashamed or did the cat eat your tongue? - he tells the boy. Then, addressing the mother: Are you ashamed?
- Well, I do not know…
We don't say anything, we don't give our judgment, we don't label it. And in the child's ears we say it all: well, I don't know if he's embarrassing or shy, maybe he is, but it won't be me who remembers him excusing him every time someone tries to talk to him, because he'll never see the need to respond. And answering a question is a way like another to establish a dialogue. And children have to talk, as we adults have to do, to know the art of communication.
An art in which there is emotional intelligence and assertiveness, which is the ability to give our opinion without hurting others, without losing respect; and the art of debating and arguing, of defending our opinions and our principles, of resolving conflicts. An art that is learned since childhood and is developing and improving the more you practice.
Although beware, if one day you are asked an indiscreet question and do not want to answer, you are in your full right. Even if it is discreet, because let's not forget that We are not required to answer the questions of others: If we can show you that more than silence, it is more polite to say a "sorry, but I prefer not to answer your question." But this eye, is something that many adults have not learned, so imagine how much children have to learn, and more if we do not let them talk.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Are you the spokesperson for your children ?, Language development in the child: from three to four years, do you talk about your children in his presence?
