One of the things that parents are going to have to face is, almost certainly, the tantrum issue and that's why I think he deserves a point in our maternity and paternity course.
Most children have them, although their duration, intensity and age can vary greatly depending on their personal character, the environment and the attitude of the parents. There is no perfect recipe, because, as I say, being overwhelmed by emotions or unfulfilled desires is normal, but if we can educate ourselves to help us face tantrums and smooth the passage of our children through them.
We will not be able to eliminate them. Be clear from the beginning. And it would not be normal or healthy to do so. Let's start by understanding that tantrums are a natural expression of the child's emotionality and evolution.
Children's tantrums are a symptom rather than a problem. To be prepared it will help us a lot to understand them. In this way we can go through them without losing our nerves and we can even prevent or soften them.
Causes of tantrums
The reasons why a child may have a tantrum There are fundamentally three:
Physical needs
When the child has a strong need for physical type It is normal for you to lose your nerves. We ourselves, adults, get in a bad mood and even explode if we are exhausted or hungry, therefore, it is more logical to understand that a child, with more pressing needs and less emotional control, does so.
The child has a strong physical need: hunger, thirst, sleep, tiredness, mental exhaustion and explodes easily.
What we should do is be able to prevent these situations, understanding that children suffer more from these needs and feel them before us. By not letting the child get too far demanding too much we will prevent many tantrums, which, more than what they seem to express, are the sign of strong physical discomfort.
Uncompression
It can also happen that the child, still immature and in the process of learning, don't understand well the consequences of your actions or the impossible of their demands.
From hitting a brother, getting angry if we do not buy something or not wanting to be tied in the car. Normally, if you are not overwhelmed by fatigue or emotional overload, the child can understand many of our explanations.
Even if he does not demonstrate understanding at the moment and continues with the tantrum, we doubt that nothing is better for him than understanding, explanations and containment. We must always explain, to the extent that they can understand, the reasons for our requests, decisions or limits. Let's run away from "because I send it, period."
Accumulated tensions
Children face a new, unknown and sometimes frightening or destabilizing world. Sometimes crying is a way to discharge accumulated tensions.
The entry into the nursery, the pregnancy of the mother or the arrival of the brother, the economic or emotional problems of their parents, a death or a spousal discussion, an inconsiderate word, a terrifying dream, a friend that has made them harmful ... all that may seem insignificant in their universe, but, whether they perceive without understanding or something that directly affects them, they can be seen overwhelmed by tension, fear or frustration.
It may even be that they are simply nervous about new emotions and discoveries, from understanding that they are independent people with their own will, to learn to run or wind their brains in the face of a scientific problem such as gravity. The world is new, exciting and full of challenges for them.
All that accumulated tension explodes and the child needs to let out those feelings crying or raging. Doesn't it happen to you sometimes that you explode for something that has nothing to do with what you care about or need to cry to download emotions?
Let's think that self control is small and they are immersed in a world that puts them in new situations every day that can cause them concern or scare them. They need to let it out and we, in those cases, can accompany them without judging or invading, only being present for when they need a hug.
