I feel like a mother from the moment I decided that I wanted to be, and when the pregnancy test confirmed to me without a doubt that a new being was growing inside me, I was invaded uncontrollably by the feelings of love and need to take care of my son .
I didn't know her sex, or her appearance, or who she was going to be, and I honestly didn't care. I knew I would always love him. I just wanted, like all mothers, to be healthy and grow up happy. And today, 13 years later, It is still my goal to protect and help you on your way, even if I am a teenager and no longer needs me. Or do you need me more than ever?
A roller coaster of emotions
It is clear that not all children are equal, nor all mothers live adolescence in the same way. These are just my thoughts, my own experience and I do not intend to 'sit chair'. I'm just one more mother, which needs to vent all the restlessness that thinking produces:
"Something I am doing wrong", "My son escapes me", "He doesn't tell me anything about his life", "I don't recognize him" ...Maybe you know what I'm talking about, because my real friends, the ones that really tell you how is the 'strange' relationship they have with children of the same age as mine and not the idyllic image to be shown abroad, They admit that they have the same doubts, the same fears.
In Babies and more, you have to love teenagers when they least deserve it, because that's when they need it mostBut what happened? Why one day he goes to bed giving you a hug and a good night kiss and the next day he returns from class, eats in silence and goes into his room without saying or hello with a sullen gesture?
Luckily, at dinner time, it reappears in the kitchen with a smile on your face and asking, after giving you a gimmick "Mommy, how about dinner today?" and he does not stop talking, telling you that today the teacher of mates has done this or that little guy has told him that.
In just a few hours he goes from being the adorable Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, and again the adorable being that has conquered my heart.
And then, when he lies down and finally I sit on the couch, I review the events of the day and always come to the same conclusion: He does not speak but his hormonal sway, his emotional roller coaster.
And I realize that I am in another stage of my son's life, just as important as the previous ones, because once again he does not understand what is happening to him and he needs me to take the next step, although he does not know how to ask me. Or at least that's what I feel, but I may be very wrong.
I don't recognize him!
How many times will I have exclaimed this observation and, although it is not right to recognize it (I am a bad mother for having allowed me to get here) for me it is one hundred percent true.
I think about it every time I release that from: "What will you know?" You don't have to control my life, "" I need my space, "" I don't want to go with you, I'm bored, "and why do I have to? and so many, so many phrases that dislodge me.
In Babies and more "We have to place ourselves behind our teenage children to help them take off," we talked with Josep López RomeroIt does not enter my mind that whoever tells me such hard things is the same child who did not stop talking when I picked him up from school, who enjoyed himself as the dwarf who was skating with us on the Paseo del Río de Madrid or eating a sandwich of Squids in the Plaza Mayor on our special day 'mother and son'.
Therefore, every time a mother with young children releases that "You already have him raised, he no longer needs you and you can live your life. The hard part is being a mother now that they depend on you for everything"... I tell myself that they will arrive, that they still don't know what they are saying.
And speaking with knowledge of cause, I dare to affirm that My son is not yet raised, he is in the process of knowing himself, of knowing who he is and needs me as much as before.
Only now you have to guess what he needs and when they are younger, they tell you without bites: when they are babies, with their crying and when they start to grow with their rag tongue, their little hands ...
I wish they were children again?
It is not difficult to hear parents of teenagers exclaim: I wish they were children again !, a wish with which I do not identify. I cannot deny that it has crossed my mind on occasion, but I immediately dismiss it, because now, with its pros and cons, We are in a new stage and also has its positive points (with nuances).
We don't have to take them and pick them up from school
The ones are over "hurry up", "brush your teeth", "come we are late"… Now he puts his own alarm clock and you have time to get ready to go to work and without stains on clothes!
But, our talks are also behind when I picked him up from school, when he told me the news of the day, what they had played at recess, what they had read in class ...
Now, you have to steal moments when you put aside your mobile or remove the headphones from your head.
And, raise your hand who is capable of not writing or calling your child to verify that he has arrived well at his destination!
Also, as long as he doesn't avoid me (I hope that never happens), I prefer to go up to his room to say good morning with a kiss, have breakfast with him, and give him another goodbye kiss before he goes out the door.
They are already aware of the dangers
We don't have to run behind them so they don't cross the road without looking. Although it does not hurt to remind them not to carry the music too loud or watch videos or write whatsapp while they are walking on the street.
And, speaking of mobile and social networks ... do you really know the dangers? While I am not convinced of this, we have a deal: parental control on their mobile devices and nothing yet of social networks. And, when you want to open an account, you have to accept me as a friend.
Although I am realistic and it may not be possible. Other mothers tell me that they have had to create a false profile to know what their children do on the Internet, because they have stopped using the social network account where they had their parents as friends.
In Babies and more, Super Pop is YouTube today: what do our teenage children see on the Internet?We can watch movies for all ages together
A good family plan is to go to the movies all together, even to watch movies starring teenagers or superheroes. Of course, also funny cartoons we still like everyone.
And I say to everyone, because at home he continues to watch his usual series on TV as 'SpongeBob' (although he would never recognize him in front of his friends).
And yes, of course, also the videos of your favorite youtubers. Your tastes are really not very defined! So I listen and try to understand what he is talking about (although it is not that the Fornite excites me much less).
Yes, I recognize him, I'm not a model mother: I let him play that aggressive game with his friends. But in return, I also get concessions: to see with us the original saga of 'Star Wars', which has existed long before it was born, 'Footloose' or 'Dirty Dancing', films that I liked at his age. By the way! He loves 'Grease', even if, as he says, "from the stone age."
He is responsible with his studies
Or so it should be! We no longer have to watch out for homework or even get in touch with them when they don't understand something, help them find information for work or take them to a classmate's house and then go pick them up when they have finished class work.
But that does not mean that we do not have to be aware of what they are learning in class, to look with their agenda to see what homework they have and their next exams, to ask them 'the lesson' if they ask us because it gives them security, that Let's explain a question if we can solve it ... Or simply
let them know that we are there if any school difficulty arises (even if it is to vent or ask for help from a professional)At least that is my humble opinion of a mother in the process of understanding adolescence.
Going to snack in a cafeteria 'as civilized people'
It is not difficult to understand the improvement if, as in my case, you are the mother of a super restless child who cannot stop a moment of doing things. I even thought I was hyperactive! It wasn't like that, just restless, nervous.
As a child he would get up again and again from the table to take anything off the floor, go to the bathroom, dance ... Any excuse was perfect for not sitting!
Now he is able to not move from the seat if we go out to take something out of the house, although he continues to keep moving in the seat (as if he cannot find the position) and if I manage to leave the phone aside and start a conversation with me (even if it's mini), I'm already completely happy.
You have to look for excuses to be out of the daily routine and talk about anything.We're going on a trip "for the elderly"
I am a tireless traveler and that is why, until my son was not older, I was clear: I travel 'tired' in winter only adults and summer vacations with children (some culture and a lot of leisure time for them). I remember the first time I went to Egypt and I saw little ones between three and five years old getting up at three in the morning to go to Abu Simbel and getting so hot during the day that they neither looked nor saw anything. Is that enjoying family?
Luckily, now I can enjoy with my son and he with me from different countries, different cultures and soaks up everything and likes it, because now he is ready to understand it.Of course, when he says enough, it is time to relax for a while and let him look at his phone, or play for a while with his game console. I may be too permissive with the screens, but I am a human mother.
Don't get along with your friends' parents
It is true that we usually fit with certain parents and it is great because we can make plans together and have fun big and small. But it can also happen that the parents of that friend of your child are not precisely of your devotion. And yet, you have to see them and talk to them on birthdays, when the children stay to sleep at each other's house, they come to greet you at school meetings, they stand by your side in the functions ...
That is finally over! We keep making plans together with parents who are already our friends (now even more so they don't get bored) but we don't have to see the rest anymore. Our children can continue to stay, but our maternal 'chachara' is no longer necessary.
By the way! WhatsApp groups have also ended or, at least, I have them silenced.
We don't have to choose their clothes
They are older to know what they like and wear whatever they want, even if it means going in tracksuit every day (even at family meals) or in short sleeves, when it is colder.
And it gives me that the mothers of a girl are not saved here either: pants and shirts so short that one already catches a cold just from seeing them. But they are their tastes, they are forming their own personality, and we must let them make mistakes (At least in theory, because in practice I am incapable of not protesting 'your pints').
And of course, we don't have to go around like fools looking for clothes for our children and comparing sizes with the hope of getting it right.
It is they who buy what they need (or what others carry)!Our work is now limited to accompany you to the stores and wait at the door of the changing rooms and say "It suits you," "yes, you're right, you're not doing anything" according to the face that they put on us when running the curtain with the garment object of possible acquisition, go for another size (when requested) and, of course, pay.
The mothers "We have no idea what it takes". For our children we have gone from being young (as a child I remember that I always saw myself as 'a girl' while the other mothers were 'ladies', to become an old-fashioned one that likes old women.
Luckily I hope that this stage will pass soon and, as other mothers with older children tell me, they will arrive "the wonderful afternoons of shopping, of confidences. "
It is no longer up to you for everything
That's what they are for your friends, to whom you have everything, with whom you share your concerns, so they don't put you in delicate situations where you don't know what to answer.
But we have to stay there, right? Because precisely now, with the hormonal ups and downs, your body changes, are more vulnerable and any small clash with a 'best friend', it hurts as if they had been stabbed.
We must let them cry on our shoulder if they ask us, listen to their reasons and regrets, because they know that if everything fails, we are still there.You forget games, competitions ...
How cold the suffering parents have been through having to take our children to their outdoor activities, in winter and at 8.30 in the morning! And how much time wasted waiting for them to leave their training (or their dance, theater, circus, fencing, English ...) classes. Well, it is no longer necessary.
Although, honestly, I'm still looking for my son in training (he leaves very late and I don't like him coming by subway), I try not to miss any of his matches (and it's two or three a week, between football, hockey and badmington) and although I have noticed that the rest of the animating parents are cracking,
I plan to continue encouraging him even if I am aloneI know he likes me to get involved in his activities (although he never tells me and is indifferent) and after the games, we go back home together and comment on the most interesting moves. A little more 'mother and son'.
The worst: their bad ways
Because yes, there are still reminiscences of the child he was (and still remains, even if he wants to pass the stage), but there are also new routines that must be adapted or overcome.
Because I recognize that I will never get used to not answering me when I ask something, because he is wearing headphones listening "its music" or chatting on whatsapp.
Nor can I slam the doors when he closes the door of his room or the screams (often accompanied by tears) asking you why he has to go to the shower, or study, why he can't play Play or just letting go of me. "What do you care about?" Why
There are no magic recipes to 'survive' our teenage son. Everyone does the best they know or can, because they don't have a user manual.I prefer to keep the good things offered by the new stage and take advantage of our good times, because one day it will really grow and I will no longer have him by my side to punch him out and see through the face of his face if he is happy or has a problem. Because all mothers, all, we know when our son needs us and we will be there to help him (when he leaves us).
Photos | iStock
